How often have we heard women accuse men of being insensitive jerks? And men accusing women of talking too much and being too emotional? Here’s a humourous side to the major differences between men and women. See if you can pinpoint a few in your relationship!
When a man goes to the toilet, he usually goes for one reason and one reason only. Women use toilets as social lounges as therapy rooms. Women who go to a toilet as strangers can come out best friends and buddies. But everyone would be instantly suspicious of the man who call out…’Hey Mike, want to come with me to the toilet?’Under pressure, men drink alcohol and invade other countries. Women eat chocolates and go shopping.
Women criticize men for being insensitive, uncaring, not listening, not giving enough love, not being committed to the relationship, wanting to have sex rather than make love, turning the temperature down and leaving the toilet seat up.
Men criticize women about their driving, for not being able to read street directions, for turning maps upside down, for talking too much without getting to the point, for not initiating sex often enough, turning the temperature up and leaving the toilet seat down.
Men can never find a pair of socks, but their CD’s are in alphabetical order.
Men marvel at the way women can walk into a room full of people and give an instant commentary on everyone; women can’t believe men are so unobservant.
Men are amazed how a woman can’t see a red flashing oil light on the car dashboard but can spot a single strand of hair on his shirt collar while standing 20 meters away.
Men dominate TV remote controls and flick through the channels. Women don’t mind watching commercials.
Women are bewildered by men who can consistently parallel park a car in a tight spot using a rear-view mirror, but can never find the G-spot.
If a woman is driving and gets lost, she’ll stop and ask for directions. To a man, this is a sign of weakness. He’ll drive around in circles for hours, muttering things like ‘I’m almost there…I know it!’
After a meal, men would sit in front of the TV, gazing mindlessly while flicking the remote control. This behaviour has trickled down from man’s earlier ancestors. After a hard day of hunting, the man would come home to his cave and sit in front of the fire. Men today don’t know why they do it, but it’s somehow fulfilling for them.
Men cannot detect when a woman is upset, even though it’s obvious to other women. Men have to witness actual temper tantrums, tears or even slaps, before it dawns on them that their female partner is upset.
Men are blunt when it comes to a description of colours. Red, blue, black, green. Women describe in greater detail. Aqua, teal, apple green, fushia pink….
Men could never find the butter in the refrigerator. They will stand in front of the fridge, looking confused and scratching their heads, convinced that their women hid the butter from them.
Women are blessed with the ‘sixth sense’. They possess supernatural powers. These include the ability to predict outcomes of relationships, spot liars, talk to animals and uncover the truth.
When babies cry, the man would triumpathically announce ‘The child wants his mother’.
If the phone rings, a man will demand people stop talking, music is turned down and the TV is switch off before he can answer the phone. A woman can cook, vacuum, watch TV and talk on the phone, all at the same time!
At social gatherings, all women send out telepathic ‘bitch alert’ to warn others of any woman who may come on to their men.
When men are watching sporting events on TV and one of the players accidentally gets hurt in the groin area, all men watching will groan, double over and actually feel the pain.
A woman silently assumes that her man would automatically know how she’s feeling, what her needs are and if he doesn’t pick up on cue, she accuses him of being insensitive.
If a man is cooking and you talk to him, he may get angry because he can’t follow the instructions and listen to a woman’s chatter at the same time. Men also accuse women of making them miss their turn on the highway because they were talking at the same time.
Women can brush their teeth while walking and doing other tasks. They can make up and down strokes with the toothbrush at the same time they are polishing the table. When men brush their teeth, they must focus on the single task. They all stand square to the sink, feet 30 cm apart, body bent over the sink, moving their heads back and forth against the brush, usually to the speed of the water.
When men go fishing together, they sit quietly and enjoy the company of the others. Talking is not necessary. Yet, if women were spending time together and not talking, it would be indicative of a major problem.
When women sit together to watch TV, they usually talk simultaneously about a variety of subjects, including children, men, careers and what’s happening in their lives.
Men see the telephone as a communication tool for relaying facts and information to other people. A woman can spend two weeks on vacation with her girlfriend and when she returns home, telephone the same girlfriend to talk for another two hours.
When a man is sitting silently staring out the window, he is normally having a conversation with himself, trying to tackle some problem. A woman will assume that he’s bored or idle and will try to give him something to do. The man will then become angry and accuse the woman of interrupting.
Men indicate they are listening by using ‘The Grunt’, a series of short ‘hmmps’, with an occasional nod of the head.
Men never loose their love for toys. They just spend more as they get older. They love mobile phones, fast cars, boats, computers, digital cameras, complicated gadgets and anything with an engine. If it beeps, blinks and needs at least 6 D-cell batteries, most men want it.
Men discuss sports, work, money, cars, activities, mechanics and function. Women discuss men, clothes and other women.
If a woman is unhappy in her relationships, she can’t concentrate on her work. If a man is unhappy at work, he can’t focus on his relationships.
Women fantasize about love and romance. Men fantasize about fast cars, bigger computers, boats and motorcycles.
Men today have inherited the ‘hunting pack’ trait of their earlier ancestors, where all the men would go on a joint hunt. This is male bonding for them and it has evolved into meeting at the bar for a couple of beers. No amount of training will erase this. None.
When men go out to eat, they all Throw $100 on the table, all eager for the spotlight and pretending they don’t really want the change. Women calculate who ate what and the exact amount that each couple incurred.
When a woman sees a man she’s immediately attracted to, she describes the feeling as ‘Destiny, a magical attraction..hard to explain, we just have this bond’. A man who sees a woman he’s attracted to instantly thinks of sex.
